Am I Self Sabotaging My Relationship Quiz
How the Scales are Structured
Who Usually Takes This Test?
See How You Compare
Below is a preview of how scores are typically distributed across each scale.
Example Questions From the Test
- Assume there may be an ordinary reason and continue with my day.
- Notice my concern and wait until there is more information.
- Send extra messages or search for clues about what they are doing.
- Become cold, post something pointed, or pull away to see whether they chase me.
- Rarely; I usually consider several possible explanations.
- Sometimes, but I can often let the thought pass or ask once.
- Often; I look for more signs or seek repeated confirmation.
- Very often; I react as though rejection is already happening.
- I accept the support and share as much as feels manageable.
- I say I need a little space, then make a point of reconnecting.
- I minimize what happened and quickly change the subject.
- I become suspicious of the attention and push my partner away.
Am I Self Sabotaging My Relationship Quiz - Description and methodology of the test
People who notice recurring tension, distance, or uncertainty in a close relationship can use this questionnaire to examine their own contribution without reducing every problem to blame. The Am I Self Sabotaging My Relationship Quiz is intended for readers who want a structured look at how their reactions change when closeness feels uncertain. As a relationship self-sabotage test, it can organize reflection around moments when protection starts to interfere with closeness.
What This Assessment Explores
Questions cover escalating conflict, distance during vulnerability, and indirect attempts to obtain certainty. Scenarios include delayed replies, criticism, recurring disagreements, future plans, support, jealousy, and repair after arguments. The result helps identify where a protective response may become repetitive, including self-sabotaging relationship patterns.
The result is organized into three dimensions:
- Conflict and Repair (0-15) measures escalation, defensiveness, scorekeeping, and difficulty completing repair after disagreements; Constructive pattern is 0-5, Inconsistent repair is 6-10, and Disruptive cycle is 11-15.
- Protective Withdrawal (0-15) measures distance when vulnerability or closeness feels uncomfortable; Limited pattern is 0-5, Situational pattern is 6-10, and Frequent pattern is 11-15.
- Reassurance and Testing (0-15) measures indirect tests, repeated reassurance-seeking, and rejection-focused interpretations; Limited pattern is 0-5, Situational pattern is 6-10, and Frequent pattern is 11-15.
Methodology and Scientific Basis
Each item offers four choices, moving from direct, regulated responses toward defensiveness, withdrawal, testing, or escalation. The format samples reactions across situations rather than treating one event as decisive. Scores appear separately for the three dimensions, and bands summarize an apparent pattern rather than a single pass/fail verdict.
The Relationship Sabotage Scale, published by Peel and Caltabiano in 2021, provides a conceptual reference for romantic self-sabotage. Its focus on recurring protective behaviors connects with interview research by Peel, Caltabiano, Buckby, and McBain from 2019; work by Haydon, Jonestrask, Guhn-Knight, and Salvatore from 2017 relates to conflict recovery and unresolved tension. This romantic self-sabotage questionnaire is conceptually consistent with those sources, not an adaptation of them.
The displayed ranges and bands are the questionnaire's interpretive categories. Self-report results can shift with current context, memory, and willingness to acknowledge difficult behavior, so compare the profile with concrete examples over time. Elevated reassurance or testing does not make a partner's actual inconsistency or dishonesty unreal. If conflict includes threats, coercion, intimidation, or physical harm, treat it as a safety concern.
- Peel, R., & Caltabiano, N. (2021). The relationship sabotage scale: An evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity. BMC Psychology, 9, 146. 10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0
- Peel, R., Caltabiano, N., Buckby, B., & McBain, K. (2019). Defining romantic self-sabotage: A thematic analysis of interviews with practising psychologists. Journal of Relationships Research, 10, e16. 10.1017/jrr.2019.7
- Haydon, K. C., Jonestrask, C., Guhn-Knight, H., & Salvatore, J. E. (2017). The dyadic construction of romantic conflict recovery sabotage. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(6), 915-935. 10.1177/0265407516661766
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