Am I Emotionally Unavailable Quiz
How the Scales are Structured
Who Usually Takes This Test?
See How You Compare
Below is a preview of how scores are typically distributed across each scale.
Example Questions From the Test
- I often hope the issue will disappear and do not bring it up again.
- I usually return at the agreed time or communicate clearly if I need to adjust it.
- I intend to return but sometimes need the other person to remind me.
- I reconnect socially but steer around the emotional issue that prompted the break.
- I share a limited part first and watch how they handle it before going further.
- I redirect or pull away because being known that deeply feels threatening.
- If the setting feels trustworthy, I share honestly while keeping any boundaries I need.
- I discuss the facts but withhold the personal meaning or emotional impact.
- I feel a strong urge to create distance, lose interest, or find a reason to leave.
- I become more cautious and take extra time before making myself fully known.
- I allow the connection to deepen gradually while continuing to notice my boundaries.
- I keep the relationship active but steer it away from dependence or emotional depth.
Am I Emotionally Unavailable Quiz - Description and methodology of the test
People who notice themselves pulling away when closeness, support, or difficult feelings arise may use this assessment to examine those patterns more closely. The Am I Emotionally Unavailable Quiz turns everyday reactions into a structured profile of emotional availability. Someone using this emotional availability quiz can connect private reactions with observable relationship habits.
What This Assessment Explores
It examines guarded closeness, reduced access to or expression of one's own emotions, and inconsistent responsiveness or repair. Questions address receiving care, deepening relationships, experiencing and communicating feelings, and reconnecting after tension. It suits close relationships. This emotionally unavailable quiz connects private reactions with observable habits.
The three result dimensions show these patterns:
- Comfort with Vulnerability and Closeness (0-15) reflects discomfort with being known, relying on others, receiving care, or deepening relationships. Bands are Open with Boundaries (0-5), Cautious Closeness (6-10), and Distance as Protection (11-15).
- Emotional Awareness and Expression (0-15) reflects difficulty identifying, experiencing, or communicating feelings. Bands are Accessible (0-5), Partly Guarded (6-10), and Strongly Guarded (11-15).
- Emotional Responsiveness and Repair (0-15) reflects difficulty responding to emotional bids, staying present in tension, or repairing disconnection. Bands are Responsive (0-5), Inconsistent Engagement (6-10), and Persistent Disengagement (11-15).
Methodology and Scientific Basis
Each item presents a relationship situation with four response options describing possible reactions. The scenarios cover disclosure, asking for help, acknowledging distress, recognizing inner states, and returning after conflict. The respondent chooses the option that best matches their pattern. The respondent's own patterns are the subject, so this quiz explores whether you are emotionally unavailable as a pattern, not a fixed identity, and should not be used to infer a partner's inner state.
This online self-report questionnaire presents results across the three displayed scales with reflective, non-diagnostic bands, without specifying an answer-to-point scoring rule.
Conceptually, its closest reference is the BARE Scale, which organizes attachment behavior around accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. The questionnaire is consistent with that framework, not an adaptation of it. Related attachment self-report research and the Toronto Alexithymia Scale offer comparison points for relational responsiveness and identifying or describing feelings; neither instrument is the source of this questionnaire.
Responses may vary with stress, relationship safety, and self-awareness, so the profile is best read as a context-sensitive reflection of recurring patterns.
- Sandberg, Jonathan G., Dean M. Busby, Susan M. Johnson, and Keitaro Yoshida. (2012). The Brief Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement (BARE) Scale: A Tool for Measuring Attachment Behavior in Couple Relationships. Family Process, 51(4), 512-526. 10.1111/j.1545-5300.2012.01422.x
- Fraley, R. Chris, Neil G. Waller, and Kelly A. Brennan. (2000). An item response theory analysis of self-report measures of adult attachment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 350-365. 10.1037/0022-3514.78.2.350
- Bagby, R. Michael, James D. A. Parker, and Graeme J. Taylor. (1994). The twenty-item Toronto Alexithymia Scale-I. Item selection and cross-validation of the factor structure. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 38(1), 23-32. 10.1016/0022-3999(94)90005-1
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