Fear of Intimacy Quiz
How the Scales are Structured
Who Usually Takes This Test?
See How You Compare
Below is a preview of how scores are typically distributed across each scale.
Example Questions From the Test
- I stay engaged and let the supportive response register
- I appreciate it but need a little time before saying more
- I feel exposed and quickly move to a safer subject
- I regret sharing and resolve not to be that open again
- I feel relieved or understood and can explore it with them
- I have mixed feelings but can acknowledge that they noticed
- I become uneasy and minimize what I am feeling
- I feel threatened by being seen and create immediate distance
- Very often; keeping it hidden usually feels necessary
- Sometimes, especially when the relationship matters a great deal
- Occasionally; I usually share once I have processed it
- Rarely; I can usually name it while keeping suitable boundaries
Fear of Intimacy Quiz - Description and methodology of the test
People who feel unsettled when a relationship becomes emotionally important can use this assessment to examine closeness, vulnerability, and support without reducing their reactions to a fixed identity. The fear of intimacy quiz is intended for anyone reflecting on recurring patterns in close relationships. A fear of intimacy assessment can help clarify where connection feels manageable and where protective distance may emerge, giving self-reflection a more specific direction.
What This Assessment Explores
These items examine what happens when closeness brings exposure, reliance, commitment, or repair. They suit people reflecting on relationship responses rather than assigning an attachment label. Intimacy avoidance patterns may show whether distance works as a flexible boundary or an automatic protective move.
The dimensions are:
- Closeness and Distance Regulation (0-15) measures creating distance when affection, consistency, commitment, or repair increase closeness: Steady engagement (0-5) reflects flexibility; Push-pull response (6-10) reflects hesitation; Protective distancing (11-15) reflects disengagement.
- Emotional Openness (0-15) measures barriers to revealing and staying present with vulnerable feelings: Flexible openness (0-5) reflects sharing; Guarded openness (6-10) reflects selective disclosure; Strong protection (11-15) reflects concealment.
- Trust and Receiving Support (0-15) measures difficulty trusting care, asking for help, and allowing balanced interdependence: Comfortable support (0-5) reflects receiving care; Cautious reliance (6-10) reflects selective help; Self-protective independence (11-15) reflects unsafe or costly dependence.
Methodology and Scientific Basis
Each item presents an everyday relationship situation with four response choices. The options range from direct engagement to privacy, reluctance, or withdrawal, while also varying pacing and boundaries. Respondents choose the reaction closest to their usual pattern across disclosure, care, dependence, repair, and renewed closeness.
Separate totals are reported for the three dimensions. Because the questionnaire does not specify a universal point value for each answer, the totals are descriptive outputs rather than a scoring rule to reverse-engineer. The fear of intimacy test is most useful for noticing tendencies and the situations in which they appear.
Its conceptual reference point is the Fear-of-Intimacy Scale (Descutner & Thelen, 1991), with related work by Doi and Thelen (1993). This questionnaire is conceptually consistent with those instruments, not an adaptation of them. Bartholomew’s attachment perspective describes avoidance as possible protection.
This questionnaire has no established clinical norms, and context, self-awareness, and self-report bias can shape responses. The displayed bands are descriptive patterns within this questionnaire, with each range indicating which tendencies are more prominent in the respondent’s answers.
- Descutner, Carol J., and Mark H. Thelen. "Development and Validation of a Fear-of-Intimacy Scale." Psychological Assessment, vol. 3, no. 2, 1991, pp. 218-225. 10.1037/1040-3590.3.2.218
- Doi, Susan C., and Mark H. Thelen. "The Fear-of-Intimacy Scale: Replication and Extension." Psychological Assessment, vol. 5, no. 3, 1993, pp. 377-383. 10.1037/1040-3590.5.3.377
- Bartholomew, Kim. "Avoidance of Intimacy: An Attachment Perspective." Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, vol. 7, no. 2, 1990, pp. 147-178. 10.1177/0265407590072001
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