Am I High Maintenance Quiz
How the Scales are Structured
Who Usually Takes This Test?
See How You Compare
Below is a preview of how scores are typically distributed across each scale.
Example Questions From the Test
- I appreciate the effort and discuss one important preference for a future celebration.
- I explain that I feel disappointed without expecting anyone to repair the whole occasion.
- I withdraw or repeatedly highlight what was missed so others understand my disappointment.
- I use anger, humiliation, or guilt to make others redo the celebration or prove they care.
- I respect their limit and ask when they might be available or contact someone else.
- I ask whether they can offer a brief check-in before taking the space they need.
- I continue seeking reassurance because my need feels more urgent than their limit.
- I use guilt, threats, or intimidation to keep them engaged after they have asked to stop.
- I assume they may be occupied and wait for them to respond.
- I send one follow-up if I need an answer, then give them time.
- I make several attempts because the silence is difficult for me to tolerate.
- I accuse, threaten, or punish them for not making themselves available.
Am I High Maintenance Quiz - Description and methodology of the test
For readers who want to examine whether everyday expectations strain close relationships, the Am I High Maintenance Quiz focuses on flexibility, requests for support, and responses to disappointment. Rather than treating preferences as the problem by themselves, this high maintenance quiz asks whether needs remain negotiable or become pressure, blame, punishment, or intimidation. Its result is a structured starting point for reflecting on communication and shared responsibility.
What This Assessment Explores
Someone wondering whether their own high-maintenance behavior affects others can use the assessment to distinguish ordinary preferences from responses that make another person responsible for preventing discomfort. Its scenarios cover plans, routines, travel, shared work, delayed replies, disagreement, and reassurance. The result highlights whether needs remain negotiable or become pressure or disrespect.
The displayed dimensions are:
- Adaptability and Shared Responsibility (0-15) shows whether disruptions and shared tasks prompt negotiation or coercive accommodation; bands are No indicator endorsed (0), Pattern to notice (1-2), and Action warranted (3-15).
- Reassurance and Boundary Pressure (0-15) shows whether contact requests respect availability and boundaries; bands are No indicator endorsed (0-0), Pattern to notice (1-2), and Action warranted (3-15).
- Standards and Respect for Others (0-15) shows whether strong preferences remain respectful or become pressure, blame, or demeaning treatment; bands are No indicators (0), Pattern to notice (1-2), and Action warranted (3-15).
Methodology and Scientific Basis
Four responses move from compromise to pressure, guilt, anger, threats, or intimidation. They ask about typical reactions, making results dependent on self-report and interpretation. Separate totals cover three dimensions; no universal point value or clinical threshold is established.
The original Controlling Behaviors Scale is discussed in Graham-Kevan and Archer’s 2005 work on controlling conduct. Sleath, Walker, and Tramontano examine the Controlling Behaviors Scale-Revised in 2018. This questionnaire is neither an adaptation nor a restandardization of either instrument. It also considers relationship expectations alongside entitlement, a connection discussed by Tolmacz and Mikulincer. The online questionnaire has no reported standardisation or validation.
Women can use it to examine contact, shared duties, and disappointment; its dimensions are not gender-specific. Bands are unvalidated, not severity, legal, or clinical cutoffs; a single red-flag response should be acted on regardless of a lower total. Capacity, disability, money, support, conflict, and self-presentation can affect flexibility or self-report.
- Graham-Kevan, Nicola, and John Archer. (2005). Investigating Three Explanations of Women's Relationship Aggression. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 29(3), 270-277. 10.1111/j.1471-6402.2005.00221.x
- Sleath, Emma, Kate Walker, and Carlo Tramontano. (2018). Factor Structure and Validation of the Controlling Behaviors Scale-Revised and Revised Conflict Tactics Scale. Journal of Family Issues, 39(7), 1880-1903. 10.1177/0192513X17729721
- Tolmacz, Rami, and Mario Mikulincer. (2011). The Sense of Entitlement in Romantic Relationships-Scale Construction, Factor Structure, Construct Validity, and Its Associations with Attachment Orientations. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 28(1), 75-94. 10.1037/a0021479
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