Am I the Problem in My Relationship Quiz
How the Scales are Structured
Who Usually Takes This Test?
See How You Compare
Below is a preview of how scores are typically distributed across each scale.
Example Questions From the Test
- Ask for a suitable time, then describe the specific behavior I want to discuss.
- Bring it up when there is an opening, while trying to soften the message.
- Hint that something is wrong and see whether they ask about it.
- Hold it in until my frustration makes the issue come out more forcefully.
- Make a direct, specific request while leaving room for them to respond honestly.
- Explain how I feel and hope they can work out what would help.
- Use hints or small tests to see whether they notice what I need.
- Stay quiet about the need but become more upset when it is not met.
- I check what they heard and briefly restate my point in clearer words.
- I try another explanation, although I may sound more frustrated.
- I add more examples until they recognize why my position makes sense.
- I stop engaging because continuing while misunderstood feels pointless.
Am I the Problem in My Relationship Quiz - Description and methodology of the test
People questioning their part in recurring conflict can use the Am I the Problem in My Relationship Quiz to examine behavior without reducing a relationship to one guilty person. When recurring conflict makes a relationship feel as though it is falling apart, this relationship falling apart quiz organizes reflection around concrete choices. It helps readers examine communication, repair, and respect for another person’s independence, highlighting habits that may deserve attention.
What the Questionnaire Measures
Rather than assigning a single guilty party, the assessment examines responsibility, repair, conflict, privacy, limits, and independent choices. It suits readers examining their own contribution to strain in a romantic or other close relationship, making it a useful relationship accountability test. The result distinguishes habits that support problem-solving from those that increase defensiveness or pressure.
It reports three dimensions:
- Accountability and Repair (0-15) shows how you acknowledge harm and follow through: Grounded ownership (0-5), Inconsistent repair (6-10), or Repair deserves focus (11-15).
- Communication During Conflict (0-15) shows how you raise and manage disagreement: Constructive communication (0-5), Mixed communication (6-10), or Conflict habits need attention (11-15).
- Respect for Autonomy and Boundaries (0-15) shows how you respond to limits and independent choices: Autonomy-supportive (0-5), Boundary tension (6-10), or Autonomy needs attention (11-15).
Methodology and Evidence Base
Each item presents an interpersonal situation with four ordered response options. Choices range from direct communication, responsibility, and respect for autonomy to indirect, avoidant, escalated, or boundary-crossing responses. Select the option closest to your usual tendency, rather than the answer that sounds most desirable.
Scores are grouped by dimension, each producing a result band. The band summarizes your answers; it does not decide who is the problem, and the other person’s conduct matters independently. Read this conflict communication quiz alongside the situations you recognized.
Conceptually, the questionnaire is consistent with Kurdek’s 1994 Conflict Resolution Styles Inventory, Ha and colleagues’ work on conflict resolution and recovery, the Communication Patterns Questionnaire-Short Form, and research on self-determination in romantic conflict. These sources support its focus on conflict behavior, communication, recovery, and autonomy; they do not make this tool a validated adaptation of any instrument.
Its bands are descriptive summaries of this questionnaire’s scores, organizing patterns in repair, communication, and autonomy. Self-report can be shaped by current emotion, memory, and self-awareness, while threats, coercion, stalking, forced contact, or violence remain separate safety concerns.
- Kurdek, L. A. (1994). Conflict Resolution Styles in Gay, Lesbian, Heterosexual Nonparent, and Heterosexual Parent Couples. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 56(3), 705-722. 10.2307/352880
- Ha, T., Overbeek, G., Lichtwarck-Aschoff, A., & Engels, R. C. M. E. (2013). Do Conflict Resolution and Recovery Predict the Survival of Adolescents' Romantic Relationships? PLOS ONE, 8(4), e61871. 10.1371/journal.pone.0061871
- Futris, T. G., Campbell, K., Nielsen, R. B., & Burwell, S. R. (2010). The Communication Patterns Questionnaire-Short Form: A Review and Assessment. The Family Journal, 18(3), 275-287. 10.1177/1066480710370758
- Knee, C. R., Lonsbary, C., Canevello, A., & Patrick, H. (2005). Self-Determination and Conflict in Romantic Relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89(6), 997-1009. 10.1037/0022-3514.89.6.997
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