Type of attachment of a loved one Test - the question form
Questions: 33 · 7 minutes
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1. Inconsistent behavior: She seems cold and distant, yet also vulnerable; she may call frequently and then disappear; she may make casual remarks like “When we live together,” and then act as if you are not close.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
2. Values independence above all else and speaks dismissively about emotional closeness and “neediness.” • “I need freedom.” • “I work a lot; I don’t have time for a relationship.” • “I could only live with someone who is self-sufficient.”
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
3. Belittles you (or their ex-partners), even as a joke. • Laughs at your poor sense of direction and your “cute” weight. • Describes quickly losing interest in someone they were dating because of a physical flaw. • Mentions infidelity in previous relationships.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
4. Is emotionally and physically distant.
• A previous relationship lasted six years, but the couple never moved in together.
• Prefers to sleep alone, under a separate blanket or in a separate bed.
• Likes to take vacations alone.
• Does not talk about plans—it is unclear when you will see each other again or whether you will live together.
• Always walks not next to you, but slightly ahead.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
5. Emphasizes boundaries in the relationship (e.g., says, “These are my friends/relatives—don’t interfere,” and does not invite you to their place, preferring to spend time at your home).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
6. Overly romanticizes relationships. Thinks dreamily about meeting their “other half.” Idealizes past relationships without clarifying the reason for the breakup. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to love again the way I loved X.”
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
7. Is distrustful and fears being deceived. Believes that everyone wants only one thing: a ring on the finger. Worries about being financially deceived by loved ones.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
8. Rigid views about relationships; does not accept compromise (you are expected to give in). For example: prefers a specific “type” (beautiful, thin, or blonde); supports a “guest marriage” or is against official registration; makes categorical statements such as “All men…” or “After the wedding they always…”; dislikes talking on the phone, even when it is the only way to communicate.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
9. In arguments, she avoids the issue or changes the subject, or she suddenly “blows up.”
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
10. Does not state intentions or talk about feelings. You have been together for a long time, but you still have not heard the words “I love you.” Plans to go abroad for a year but does not say what this means for your relationship.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
11. Has difficulty talking about the relationship.
• Makes you regret asking where the relationship is going.
• When you share a concern, says “sorry” and nothing more.
• Refuses to discuss certain topics.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
12. Reliable and predictable.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
13. Makes decisions together with you (rather than on her own).
• Discusses plans and does not decide anything without your input.
• Takes your preferences into account and does not assume she knows best.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
14. Flexible view of relationships. Does not look for a specific “type” (age, appearance, etc.). Is willing to discuss everything (for example, when to move in together, whether to open a joint bank account). Avoids making absolute statements (for example, “All men…,” “After marriage they always…”).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
15. Is able to discuss problems in the relationship. Responds appropriately when asked where the relationship is heading and whether you have a future together (and you are glad you asked, even if you were hoping to hear something different). Says what is worrying her, rather than pretending everything is fine or expecting you to figure it out on your own.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
16. Willing to compromise. Tries to understand what is bothering you and what to do about it. Does not spend time trying to prove that she is right.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
17. Is not afraid of commitment or dependence. Does not reproach you for limiting their freedom. Does not assume you are only interested in marriage prospects, money, and so on.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
18. Does not view relationships as hard work. Does not constantly talk about compromises and “building” a relationship. Is open to a new romantic relationship even in difficult circumstances (e.g., increased workload at work or school).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
19. She becomes closer (closeness does not make her uncomfortable). After an emotional conversation or an argument, she comforts you and stays with you; she does not suddenly leave. The next morning after spending the night together, she talks about her feelings for you (not only about the quality of sex).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
20. Introduces you to friends and family early. Brings you into their social circle. Even if they do not initiate meeting their parents, they are willing to do so and are happy to meet yours.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
21. Expresses her feelings openly. Speaks up right away about how she feels about you. Is not embarrassed to say "I love you."
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
22. Not prone to playing games.
• Does not keep you in the dark or try to make you jealous.
• Does not keep score (e.g., “I called twice, now it’s your turn,” or “You didn’t call me back all day, so I won’t either”).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
23. Moves quickly toward greater closeness (e.g., agrees—though may not initiate—to take a vacation together, move in together, or spend almost all free time together; enjoys frequent physical affection such as holding hands, cuddling, or kissing).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
24. Sensitive and expects to be abandoned. Asks a lot about your ex-partners and compares themselves with them. Checks whether you still have feelings for an ex. Tries very hard to please. Fears losing your love or your sexual interest.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
25. Unhappy when single. Has a strong need to be in a relationship. May turn a first date into a "marriage interview."
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
26. Artificially tries to keep you interested in her (e.g., pretends not to remember you if you have not called for a few days; turns off her phone or makes up important obligations; presents some situations in a way that is favorable to her).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
27. Has difficulty putting their fears into words and leaves you guessing; expects you to understand what is wrong from their behavior (and if you do not, makes a scene).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
28. Creates scenes instead of having a constructive discussion. In arguments, threatens to end the relationship (but does not leave). Has difficulty expressing needs and instead brings up accumulated grievances.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
29. Sees herself as the center of the universe. If you are very busy at work and cannot go out together, she explains it as “you don’t want to meet my friends.” If you are tired and do not want to talk today, she takes it to mean “you don’t love me anymore.”
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
30. Is afraid of being hurt, so tends to take a passive role in relationships. Calls and says “I love you” after you do (at least at first). Shows indecisiveness.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
31. Thinks a lot about the relationship.
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
32. In her view, every argument means the relationship is ending; she believes your love has to be earned. For example: “I call you so often—I’m afraid I’m bothering you,” or “I feel like meeting your parents didn’t go very well and they don’t like me.”
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
33. Suspects you of being unfaithful (e.g., finds out your email password and reads your messages; wants to know everything you are doing; searches through your personal belongings for evidence).
1 – Not at all like her
2 – Somewhat like her
3 – Very much like her
1. Inconsistent behavior.
• Seems cold and distant, yet also vulnerable.
• Calls every hour and then disappears.
• Makes passing comments like, "When we live together," and then acts as if you are strangers.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
2. Values independence above all else; speaks dismissively about closeness and “neediness.” • “I need freedom.” • “I work a lot; I don’t have time for a relationship.” • “I could only live with someone who is self-sufficient.”
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
3. Belittles you (or former partners), even as a joke.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
4. Keeps emotional and physical distance.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
5. Emphasizes boundaries in the relationship (e.g., says, “These are my friends (relatives)—don’t interfere,” and does not invite you to their place, preferring to spend time at your home).
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
6. Overly romanticizes relationships.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
7. Does not trust others; is afraid of being deceived (e.g., says everyone only wants “a ring on the finger”; fears being financially cheated by close people).
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
8. Rigid views about relationships and unwilling to compromise (you are expected to give in). For example: prefers a specific “type” (e.g., beautiful, thin, or blond); supports a “guest marriage” or is against official registration; makes categorical statements (e.g., “All women…,” “After the wedding they always…”); dislikes talking on the phone, even if it is the only way to communicate.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
9. During arguments, avoids the issue or changes the subject, or "blows up." • "You know what, forget it—I don’t want to talk about this." • Gets up and storms out in anger.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
10. Does not express intentions or talk about feelings. • You have been together for a long time, but you still have not heard the words “I love you.” • Plans to go abroad for a year but does not say what this means for your relationship.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
11. Does not know how to talk about the relationship. Makes you regret asking where the relationship is going. When you share something that worries you, says “sorry” and nothing more. Refuses to discuss certain topics.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
12. Reliability and predictability (e.g., if they say they will call, they do; they keep agreements and, if they cannot, they let you know in advance, apologize, and suggest an alternative plan; in rare cases when they do not keep their word, they explain why).
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
13. Makes decisions together with you (rather than alone). • Discusses plans with you and does not decide without your input. • Takes your preferences into account and does not assume they know better.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
14. Flexible view of relationships. Does not look for a specific “type” (age, appearance, etc.). Willing to talk through everything (for example, when to move in together, whether to open a joint bank account). Does not make absolute statements (for example, “All women…,” “After marriage they always…”).
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
15. Can discuss relationship problems. Responds appropriately when you ask where the relationship is headed and whether you have a future together (and you are glad you asked, even if you hoped to hear something different). Says what is bothering him rather than pretending everything is fine or expecting you to figure it out on your own.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
16. Willing to compromise. Tries to understand what is bothering you and what to do about it. Does not spend time trying to prove they are right.
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
17. Is not afraid of commitment or dependence. Does not accuse you of restricting their freedom. Does not think you are only interested in the prospect of marriage, money, etc.
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
18. Does not view relationships as hard work. Does not constantly talk about compromise and “working on” the relationship. Is open to a new romance even under difficult circumstances (e.g., increased workload at work or school).
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
19. He becomes emotionally closer without discomfort. After an emotional conversation or an argument, he comforts you and stays close rather than suddenly leaving. After a night together, he talks about his feelings for you (not only about the quality of sex).
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
20. Introduces you to friends and family early. Brings you into their social circle. Even if they do not suggest meeting their parents, they are willing to do so and are happy to meet yours.
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
21. Expresses his feelings openly. Speaks up right away about what he feels toward you. Is not embarrassed to say “I love you.”
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
22. Not inclined to play games in the relationship. Does not keep you guessing or try to make you jealous. Does not keep score (e.g., “I called twice, now it’s your turn,” or “You didn’t call me back all day, so I’ll do the same.”).
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
23. Moves quickly toward greater closeness (for example, agrees—though may not be the first to suggest—going on vacation together, moving in together, or spending almost all their time together; likes frequent physical touch such as holding hands, caressing, or kissing).
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
24. Sensitive, expects to be abandoned. Asks a lot about your ex-partners and compares himself/herself to them. Checks whether you still have feelings for an ex. Tries very hard to please you. Fears losing your love or sexual interest.
1 – Not at all like him/her
2 – Somewhat like him/her
3 – Very much like him/her
25. Unhappy when single. A strong need to find a partner is obvious. May turn a first date into a marriage interview.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
26. Deliberately tries to keep you interested in them (e.g., acts as if they do not remember you if you have not called for a few days; turns off their phone or makes up important things to do; portrays some situations in a way that favors them).
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
27. Cannot clearly express what they are afraid of and leaves you to guess. Expects you to understand what is wrong from their behavior (and if you do not, makes a scene).
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
28. Makes a scene instead of having a constructive conversation. In arguments, threatens to break up (but does not leave). Has difficulty expressing needs, but brings up accumulated grievances.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
29. Acts as if they are the center of the universe. If you are very busy at work and do not have time to go out together, they explain it as “you don’t want to meet my friends.” If you are tired and do not want to talk today, they take it to mean “you don’t love me anymore.”
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them
30. Afraid of being hurt, so tends to take a follower role in relationships. Calls and says "I love you" after you do (at least at first). Shows indecisiveness.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
31. Thinks a lot about the relationship.
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
32. He believes that every argument means the relationship is over, and that your love must be earned. For example, he says: "I call you so often that I'm afraid I'm being a nuisance" or "I don't think meeting your parents went very well and they don't like me."
1 – Not at all like him
2 – Somewhat like him
3 – Very much like him
33. Suspects you of being unfaithful. Finds out your email password and reads your messages. Wants to know about everything you do. Goes through your personal belongings looking for evidence.
1 – Not at all like them
2 – Somewhat like them
3 – Very much like them