Is He Using Me Quiz
Questions: 15 · 10 minutes
1. During a heated disagreement, how does he use his body or the space around you?
He keeps a nonthreatening distance or pauses the discussion when emotions rise.
He paces, raises his voice, or shuts a door hard, but does not direct physical force toward me.
He crowds me, corners me, or uses his size and proximity to make me back down.
He has pushed, hit, kicked, choked, burned, or otherwise physically injured me.
2. How does he handle consent when alcohol, medication, exhaustion, or sleep could affect your ability to choose?
He waits until I am awake, clear-headed, and actively able to agree.
He has initiated while I was very tired but stopped immediately when I seemed uncertain.
He minimizes signs of impairment or encourages more drinking when sexual activity is being discussed.
He has attempted or engaged in sexual activity while I was asleep, unconscious, or unable to consent.
3. How are objects, belongings, or weapons involved during conflict?
He does not use objects or property to express intimidation.
He has slammed down an object or struck furniture in frustration without directing it toward me.
He has repeatedly punched walls, broken his own objects, or damaged the surroundings in a way that frightened me.
He has thrown an object at me, destroyed my belongings to frighten me, displayed a weapon, or caused an injury.
4. When you say “no,” “stop,” or “not now” to sexual activity, what happens?
He stops or does not begin, without punishing me or demanding an explanation.
He sometimes seems disappointed or asks one clarifying question, but accepts my answer.
He keeps asking, sulks, bargains, or uses guilt until refusing becomes difficult.
He has continued sexual contact after I refused, used physical force, or threatened consequences for saying no.
5. If sexual messages, photos, or videos are involved, how are your boundaries treated?
He asks first, accepts refusal, and does not share intimate material without permission.
He has requested material more than once after hesitation, but stopped when I set a clear limit.
He repeatedly pressures me to create or send material by using guilt, persistence, or promises.
He has shared intimate material without consent or threatened to expose it to control me.
6. How connected are affection, commitment, money, housing, or other support to sexual access?
Affection and practical support are not withdrawn because I decline sexual activity.
He sometimes becomes distant after rejection but reconnects without demanding sex.
He repeatedly withholds affection or implies the relationship depends on meeting his sexual wishes.
He has threatened abandonment, exposure, loss of housing or money, or another serious consequence to obtain sexual contact.
7. When he makes plans or commitments that require effort from you, what pattern do you notice?
He generally follows through, and setbacks are explained and handled fairly.
He has occasionally benefited from my effort and then canceled, but acknowledges the effect and tries to repair it.
He repeatedly makes appealing promises, receives my help, and then avoids his side of the agreement.
He has deliberately fabricated a commitment or emergency to cause a major financial, practical, or emotional loss for me.
8. What usually happens when he contacts you because he wants help, money, transport, or another favor?
Requests and support generally go both ways, and he stays connected even when I decline.
He sometimes reaches out mainly for help, but he accepts no and remains engaged afterward.
He repeatedly appears when he needs something and becomes distant once he gets it.
He has used deliberate deception, intimidation, or threats to obtain money, access, or services from me.
9. After you share an insecurity, painful memory, or fear, what is he most likely to do with that information?
Treat it with care and avoid using it to influence unrelated decisions.
Sometimes respond insensitively, then listen or repair the harm when I raise it.
Bring it up during conflict to make me doubt myself or surrender my position.
Use it deliberately to blackmail, threaten, humiliate, or force my compliance.
10. What happens if you try to leave a room, home, vehicle, or argument?
He lets me leave and does not pursue or obstruct me.
He follows me or keeps arguing after I ask for space, but does not obstruct my exit.
He stands close to the exit or argues against leaving, though he moves when directly asked.
He has physically blocked or locked an exit, taken essential keys to confine me, or restrained me from leaving.
11. Which description best matches statements or gestures about harming you, himself, another person, or an animal?
He has not used harm-related statements or gestures to influence me.
He has made an angry statement that unsettled me but did not describe or imply an act of harm.
He has used menacing gestures or references to his capacity for violence without stating an explicit threat.
He has explicitly threatened harm, staged a threatening act, or used a threat of self-harm to force my compliance.
12. How does he react to your friendships, family ties, or other sources of support?
He allows room for those relationships, even when he does not personally enjoy everyone involved.
He expresses concern about a particular person but leaves the decision about contact to me.
He repeatedly pressures me to pull away, demands updates, or treats outside support as disloyalty.
He has threatened, punished, or deliberately isolated me for maintaining contact with others.
13. When you set a limit on what you can give or do, how does he respond?
He respects the limit without making affection or contact conditional on changing my mind.
He shows disappointment or asks me to reconsider, but ultimately accepts the limit.
He repeatedly guilt-trips me, withdraws affection, or portrays me as selfish until I give in.
He has taken my money or property without permission, or threatened consequences unless I provide what he wants.
14. When he is upset while driving or controlling another form of transport, what occurs?
He continues to operate it safely or stops so emotions can settle.
His driving becomes tense or briefly faster, but he responds when I express discomfort.
He repeatedly speeds, brakes sharply, or drives aggressively despite knowing that I am frightened.
He has used a vehicle to threaten me, refused a safe exit while threatening harm, or caused a crash or injury through directed aggression.
15. What best describes discussions about condoms, contraception, pregnancy, or STI protection?
We can discuss protection openly, and agreed boundaries are followed.
He has complained or pushed for his preference, but has respected my final decision.
He repeatedly pressures me to abandon protection or makes affection conditional on doing so.
He has secretly removed or damaged protection, lied about using it, or deliberately interfered with contraception.