Toxic Relationship Test

1. When I set a boundary, it is generally respected without repeated pushback.

2. My partner regularly dismisses my feelings or tells me I’m overreacting.

3. I change my behavior (what I wear, say, or do) to prevent my partner from reacting badly.

4. My partner gives me the silent treatment, withdraws affection, or shuts down to punish me.

5. My partner tries to control who I spend time with or discourages certain friendships.

6. I avoid certain topics because I worry my partner will get angry, defensive, or cold.

7. I can ask for space or time to think and it is honored.

8. I feel emotionally supported (validated, listened to) when I’m upset, even if my partner disagrees.

9. I feel pressured to ignore my own boundaries to keep the peace.

10. Even when things seem fine, I feel like conflict could happen at any moment.

11. Before bringing up an issue, I rehearse what to say because I fear my partner's reaction.

12. If trust is damaged, we take concrete steps to repair it (not just promises).

13. My partner breaks promises or agreements repeatedly without taking responsibility.

14. We keep disagreements focused on the issue and avoid bringing up unrelated past conflicts to “win.”

15. We can talk about boundaries (e.g., time, money, intimacy, social media) and reach clear agreements.

16. If my partner crosses a boundary, they take responsibility without blaming me or minimizing it.

17. I sleep poorly or feel physically stressed because of tension in the relationship.

18. When emotions run high, we take a break and return to the conversation in a calmer way.

19. I second-guess myself because I fear my partner will react negatively to my choices.

20. When my partner is upset, I feel responsible for fixing their mood to keep peace.

21. My partner minimizes or denies things they said or did in a way that makes me doubt my memory or perception.

22. I’m criticized for normal choices (e.g., clothing, hobbies, work, spending) as if I can’t be trusted to decide for myself.

23. Conflicts escalate into yelling, intimidation, or behavior that feels scary.

24. Small disagreements with my partner quickly make me feel anxious or panicky.

25. I feel a sense of dread before seeing or talking to my partner.

26. We have ways to resolve conflict (compromise, problem-solving, repair) that work most of the time.

27. My partner monitors my phone, messages, social media, or location (or pressures me to share access).

28. I am able to bring up concerns without being shut down, mocked, or punished.

29. I often feel like I have to 'walk on eggshells' to avoid upsetting my partner.

30. Arguments include name-calling, insults, or mocking.

31. I feel comfortable seeking support (friends, family, counselor) without being isolated or punished for it.

32. Both of us respect consent and personal comfort in physical affection and intimacy.

33. When I bring up a concern, my partner changes the subject, turns it back on me, or makes me feel at fault.

34. We respect each other’s privacy (e.g., phone, accounts, messages) unless we mutually agree otherwise.

35. I worry that being honest will start a fight or lead to retaliation.

36. My partner pressures me to do things I’m uncomfortable with (emotionally, socially, or sexually).

37. I feel comfortable expressing disappointment or hurt to my partner.

38. My partner does things after I’ve asked them to stop (e.g., teasing, touching, showing up, contacting me).

39. I find myself monitoring my partner's expressions or body language to stay safe emotionally.

40. After spending time with my partner, I often feel drained or uneasy rather than calm.

41. I feel on edge waiting for my partner to criticize me or point out what I did wrong.

42. Apologies in my relationship include changed behavior, not only words.

43. I feel tense when I hear my partner's tone change, even slightly.

44. If one of us violates an agreement, we revisit it and set clearer expectations rather than repeating the same cycle.

45. When one of us is hurt by something the other did, we address it directly rather than pretending it didn’t happen.

46. Jealousy leads to accusations or interrogations about my actions or intentions.

47. My partner uses personal information, insecurities, or past mistakes against me during conflict.

48. I often feel like I have to "tiptoe" to avoid upsetting my partner.

49. I do not feel pressured to ignore my limits to keep the peace.

50. I feel safe expressing my needs and preferences, even when they differ from my partner’s.

51. We can disagree without name-calling, threats, or contempt.

52. I generally feel steady and grounded in the relationship, not constantly on guard about how my partner will react.

53. Both of us have friendships, interests, or time alone that are supported rather than controlled.

54. My partner frequently criticizes me in a way that feels hurtful or demeaning.

55. I feel emotionally safe being myself around my partner.

56. My partner blames me for their anger, behavior, or mistakes.

57. My partner tries to control money or access to resources (e.g., accounts, spending, transportation).

58. In my relationship, I can say “no” without fearing punishment, ridicule, or retaliation.

59. We handle jealousy or insecurity by discussing it, not by monitoring or restricting each other.

60. If one of us makes a mistake, the other can express impact without being accused of “overreacting.”

61. I worry that my partner will punish me emotionally (silence, withdrawal, sarcasm) if I disagree.

62. I feel nervous when my partner is in a bad mood because I expect it to affect me.

63. My partner uses guilt, threats, or ultimatums to get their way.

64. I feel relieved when my partner is away because I can relax.