Red Flag Quiz

1. During conflict, we focus on the current issue rather than bringing up unrelated past mistakes.

2. My partner twists my words or denies things they said/did, making me doubt myself.

3. When my partner is wrong or has hurt me, they can acknowledge it without twisting it into being my fault.

4. My partner insults me, calls me names, or makes cutting ‘jokes’ at my expense.

5. After an argument, we are able to repair (apologize, clarify, reconnect) within a reasonable time.

6. When conflict happens, we avoid threats (breakup threats, self-harm threats, taking things away) to control the outcome.

7. My partner does not show up uninvited or insist on being included in everything I do.

8. We can talk about jealousy, trust, or insecurity without it turning into accusations or interrogation.

9. If my partner accidentally crosses a line, they apologize and change their behavior.

10. We can talk about difficult topics without the conversation turning into personal attacks.

11. I feel safe bringing up concerns without fearing punishment, ridicule, or retaliation.

12. My partner respects my financial boundaries (e.g., doesn’t pressure me to share money, accounts, or purchases).

13. My partner frequently blames me for their anger or hurt feelings.

14. When I set a boundary, my partner takes it seriously instead of calling me ""too sensitive"" or ""dramatic.""

15. We are able to talk about needs (time, affection, space) without guilt-tripping each other.

16. Arguments escalate into yelling, intimidation, or fear that things could get out of control.

17. We can disagree and still treat each other with respect.

18. My partner checks or demands access to my phone, email, or social media.

19. My partner uses guilt (e.g., ‘If you loved me, you would…’) to get their way.

20. When I set a boundary or say ""no,"" it is generally acknowledged rather than argued into submission.

21. My partner pressures me to respond quickly to messages and gets upset if I don’t.

22. When one of us is upset, the other usually listens without interrupting or dismissing feelings.

23. My partner tries to limit who I spend time with (friends, family, coworkers).

24. My partner is controlling about money (e.g., monitoring, restricting, or taking my funds).

25. We both make an effort to understand each other’s perspective, even when we disagree.

26. If I ask for space or alone time, my partner respects it.

27. If one of us says something hurtful, there is follow-through to change the behavior—not just promises.

28. My partner does not demand passwords, location access, or constant updates to prove trust.

29. I can ask for reassurance or clarification without being accused of “starting drama.”

30. My partner respects my privacy (e.g., phone, messages, emails) unless I explicitly invite them in.

31. When I say a topic is off-limits, my partner doesn’t keep pushing or interrogating me.

32. When we talk about problems, the goal is usually a solution—not “winning.”

33. When I raise a concern, my partner quickly turns it around so I end up apologizing.

34. My partner monitors where I am or demands constant location updates.

35. We do not use silence, withdrawal, or “stonewalling” to punish each other after conflict.

36. We can share feedback (e.g., “That hurt”) and it is taken seriously rather than minimized.

37. My partner gets angry when I spend time on my own or have independent interests.

38. My partner respects boundaries around conflict (e.g., no yelling, name-calling, or following me when I step away).

39. Our arguments do not involve name-calling, insults, or sarcasm meant to hurt.

40. If I spend time with others, my partner does not punish me with coldness, anger, or accusations.

41. My partner respects my decisions about what personal information I share with others (family/friends/social media).

42. We can take a break during a heated moment and return to the discussion later.

43. My partner supports my hobbies and interests even when they don’t share them.

44. When I set a boundary, my partner dismisses it, mocks it, or keeps pushing.

45. I can express emotions (sad, anxious, angry) without being mocked or told I’m “too sensitive.”

46. My partner accuses me of flirting or cheating without evidence.

47. If I say I’m not ready to talk, my partner waits until we can discuss it calmly.

48. My partner gives me the silent treatment or withholds affection to control me.

49. My partner respects my friendships and doesn’t try to limit who I see or talk to.

50. When one of us shares something important, the other generally shows interest and asks questions.

51. I do not feel like I have to ""walk on eggshells"" to avoid setting my partner off.

52. My partner does not use “relationship obligations” to pressure me into things I’m not comfortable with.

53. My partner checks in about physical affection and respects my comfort level.

54. My partner discourages me from pursuing work, school, or goals that matter to me.

55. My partner crosses physical or sexual boundaries after I say no or seem uncomfortable.

56. My partner respects my sexual boundaries and does not guilt-trip or sulk when I decline.

57. We are able to discuss practical topics (money, plans, responsibilities) without repeated blowups.

58. My partner does not use threats (breakup, self-harm, retaliation) to get me to drop a boundary.

59. My partner accepts ""no"" without trying to change my mind or pressure me.

60. If someone miscommunicates, we clarify what was meant instead of assuming the worst.

61. My partner repeatedly lies, hides important information, or breaks promises.

62. My partner threatens to leave, break up, or punish me to win an argument.

63. My partner does not demand immediate responses to texts/calls or treat delays as disrespect.

64. My partner expects special rules for themselves that don’t apply to me (double standards).