Am I Selfish Quiz

1. If plans need to change, I try to find a solution that works for both of us.

2. I often choose what is most convenient for me, even if it creates extra work for someone else.

3. When I disappoint someone by saying no, I can tolerate their feelings without caving in.

4. I can change my plans sometimes to accommodate someone else’s important need.

5. I tend to measure relationships by how much I’m getting out of them.

6. I can tell the difference between a person wanting comfort and wanting problem-solving, and I respond accordingly.

7. I think about how my decisions will affect others, not just what’s best for me.

8. I ask questions to understand what someone needs rather than assuming I know.

9. I expect relationships to feel like a two-way street over time.

10. I often agree to things even when I’m already overwhelmed.

11. I remember important details about people (e.g., what they’re worried about, what matters to them) and bring them up later.

12. When someone sets a boundary with me, I respect it rather than taking it personally.

13. I feel I deserve extra consideration because of how hard I work or what I deal with.

14. In group situations, I naturally pay more attention to how things affect me than how they affect others.

15. When I disagree with someone, I still try to be respectful of their feelings.

16. When someone disagrees with me, I focus on proving I’m right rather than understanding their perspective.

17. If I realize my words hurt someone, I acknowledge it and apologize without making excuses.

18. I follow through on offers to help instead of forgetting or leaving it to others.

19. I can acknowledge another person’s needs while still holding my boundary.

20. I often do more than my fair share because it feels easier than asking others to step up.

21. I’m likely to take the best portion/seat/opportunity if it’s available.

22. When I can’t help someone, I offer an alternative (like a different time or another kind of support).

23. If I can’t help someone, I still respond with care (e.g., explaining, suggesting alternatives, or acknowledging their feelings).

24. I often assume others will understand if I put my needs first.

25. I’m willing to let someone else be disappointed if it means I get what I want.

26. When someone gives me feedback about my behavior, I consider it carefully even if it’s uncomfortable.

27. I can compromise without feeling like I “lost.”

28. When dividing resources (money, time, attention), I aim for a fair outcome rather than an advantage for myself.

29. In conflicts, I try to find solutions that consider both my needs and the other person’s needs.

30. If I can avoid an inconvenience, I usually do—even if someone else has to handle it.

31. I assume my needs should come first unless someone clearly proves theirs are more important.

32. I notice when I’ve been dominating a conversation and intentionally give the other person room.

33. When someone shares a problem, I quickly bring the conversation back to my own experiences.

34. I can say “no” to a request without feeling guilty for days.

35. When making plans with others, my preference usually sets the direction.

36. I notice when someone feels left out and try to include them.

37. I take time to understand people’s different backgrounds or circumstances before judging their choices.

38. I am more motivated by what I will gain than by how others might benefit.

39. I tend to keep helping even when the other person doesn’t seem to appreciate it.

40. I check in with people after a hard day or difficult event to see how they’re doing.

41. When I’m busy, I still acknowledge messages or requests rather than ignoring them for long periods.

42. I notice when a person’s tone or body language suggests something is wrong, even if they don’t say it directly.

43. When someone is upset, I try to understand what they’re feeling before offering advice or solutions.

44. I struggle to compromise because I want things done my way.

45. If someone is inconvenienced by my actions, I take responsibility instead of acting like it’s their problem.

46. If I’ve been doing more than my share, I bring it up calmly instead of letting resentment build.

47. When I make a mistake that affects someone, I try to repair it (not just say “sorry”).

48. I often assume my way is the most sensible way, so others should go along with it.

49. When I do something kind, I often expect appreciation or a return favor.

50. I get annoyed when people ask me to compromise on something I care about.

51. I’m able to ask for what I need without feeling selfish.

52. If someone is excited about something, I show genuine interest even if it’s not my favorite topic.

53. I express appreciation when others do things for me, even small efforts.

54. I try to balance my own goals with being supportive of the people close to me.

55. If I make a mistake that affects others, I apologize and look for a repair that doesn’t overpromise or overcompensate.

56. I let people cross my boundaries, then I suddenly blow up or cut them off.

57. When someone shares a problem, I listen attentively instead of quickly turning the conversation back to me.

58. I tend to assume my time is more valuable than other people’s time.

59. When someone tells me I upset them, I try to understand their perspective rather than immediately defending myself.

60. I can accept help or kindness without immediately feeling like I must “pay it back.”

61. I feel irritated when other people’s needs disrupt my plans.

62. If someone needs support but I’m tired or busy, I tend to disengage rather than make room for them.

63. I prioritize my comfort, even when sharing would be more considerate.

64. I agree to things to avoid conflict, even when it costs me.

65. I make space for quieter people to speak in group conversations.

66. I sometimes set boundaries in a way that feels like a hard wall (no discussion, no flexibility).

67. I’m more likely to remember what others owe me than what I owe them.

68. I feel responsible for fixing other people’s problems, even when they didn’t ask.

69. I avoid asking for help, then feel annoyed that others don’t offer.

70. I check in with myself before agreeing to help: “Do I truly have the time/energy?”

71. I feel uncomfortable when attention is on someone else for too long.

72. If someone is stressed, I adjust my expectations or timing to avoid adding pressure when I can.

73. If a decision benefits me, I’m less concerned about whether it feels fair to others.

74. If someone is upset with me, my first thought is often how it affects me (my reputation, my comfort, my day).

75. When there is credit to be shared, I’m comfortable letting others think I did more than I did.

76. I’m comfortable negotiating chores, responsibilities, or time so it feels fair.

77. I avoid dismissing people’s feelings as “overreacting” or “not a big deal.”

78. When sharing resources (money, food, space), I try to make sure I’m fully satisfied before thinking about others.

79. When someone sets a boundary with me, I respect it rather than guilt-tripping or pressuring them.

80. I expect people close to me to adjust to my routines and preferences.

81. I tend to prioritize my needs so much that other people’s needs feel like an inconvenience.

82. In conversations, I notice myself steering topics toward what I find interesting.

83. I say “yes” with good intentions, then cancel later because I can’t follow through.

84. In disagreements, I think about what I want to happen more than what would be fair for both sides.

85. I keep score in relationships (who did more, who owes whom).

86. I validate people’s feelings (e.g., “That makes sense” or “I can see why you’d feel that way”).

87. If someone repeatedly crosses my limits, I address it and follow through with consequences (like reducing contact or saying no more often).